Can sex be mindful and still be sexy? Is it possible to make the experience of intimacy mutually amazing while practicing mindfulness? How does “gentle curiosity” about our partners lead to a connected sexual experience? Host Mike Domitrz welcomes CAST members Karli Johnson, Barry Moniak, and Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus to talk sex, intimacy and to share what being mindful during sex means to them in all its beauty and awkwardness.
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Welcome:
Welcome to the Everyday Mindfulness Show, the off the cuff exploration of everyday aha moments and life experiences. Join a cast of over 70 uniquely brilliant individuals. Each week Mike Domitrz and an eclectic mix of cast members and special guests will engage in mindful and lively conversations about everything, from meditation to spirituality, to personal passions, to successes and failures, to relationships, to the stuff that makes up the moments of our daily lives. Let’s get started with your host, author, speaker, provocateur and a bit of a goofball, Mike Domitrz.
Mike Domitrz:
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Hi, I’m your host Mike Domitrz, and thrilled to be here with our cast from the Everyday Mindfulness Show. This week’s cast includes Barry Moniack, Karli Johnson, and Dr. Jenn. You can learn all about and check out our brilliant cast at everydaymindfulnessshow.com. Once again, that’s everdaymindfulnessshow.com. We’re going to get right into it because this week we’re talking about sex and mindfulness.
Our first question is, with that discussion, with that theme of sex and mindfulness, some people will immediately start thinking, “Ooh, that’s provocative.” Maybe not that weird way I just said it, but they’ll be thinking something like that. How does that-
Barry Moniack:
Thanks for that clarification, Mike.
Mike Domitrz:
Yes. How does that reaction, that provocative reaction, how does that relate to the mindfulness surrounding sex? So Jenn, we’ll start with you. How does that relate to that?
Dr. Jenn:
Yeah. Well I think an aspect of mindfulness is being in a state of continual, gentle curiosity. I think even asking yourself then, “Well, why is that my response? First of all, what does provocative even mean like or feel like to me? And, why is that my response around sex?” You know, a sociologist by education, so, so much of what we learn about sex is what we learn culturally. In our society, and from our family, and our religion. So, to be in a state of gentle curiosity of like, “Well where did I learn that? What did I learn? What does that mean to me? And, what does that even feel like to me specifically?”
Mike Domitrz:
And so, in that exploration of what does that mean to you, you’re specifically saying that provocative concept.
Dr. Jenn:
Yeah.
Mike Domitrz:
What do you think is what people typically think it means?
Dr. Jenn:
I don’t know. It’s naughty. It’s exciting. Maybe dirty, but dirty in a good way.
Mike Domitrz:
Well let’s pause, let’s pause there because I think that’s an important discussion. Dirty in a good way in your mindset, because you come from this field of discussing this, but for some people it’s dirty in a dirty aspect in their mind as in wrongful dirt.
Dr. Jenn:
For sure.
Mike Domitrz:
Dirt’s negative, we don’t want dirt in our life, and so they think of dirty in that way.
Dr. Jenn:
Right. I think even how you say provocative, I was going off of your tone of voice, which is kind of like, “Oh, this is titillating, this is exciting.” Versus, “Oh, that’s provocative.” Which would be very judgemental and shameful, which is what we have unfortunately a ton of around sexuality, a lot of heaviness, and shame, and guilt and stigma. In that perspective on looking at the word provocative, that’s a large part of what I do in my work is helping folks look at where did they pick up shame and guilt around sexuality and their own sexual expression, how is that getting in the way of them being able to like themselves and connect with others deeply in a way they want to, and literally where does that shame show up in their bodies? How did they embody it? Where did they feel it?
Then where can they learn over time to sit with the discomfort of that shame and guilt, and with mindfulness skills, and staying present, and not judging themselves, and having compassion, and then have the courage to move through it and now be able to make other choices of connecting deeply with themselves and connecting more deeply with others. Yeah, I mean there’s a lot of directions to go with that word, provocative.
Mike Domitrz:
Barry and Karli, do you think that that idea of what Jenn is speaking of there is focused on or needs the concept of to love yourself? To love yourself is to love your body, the sexual urges, needs, wants, feelings, expressions you have, and/or don’t have, because not everybody does. To be able to love yourself that way.
Barry Moniack:
I think that gets into, yes I agree, and it gets into an extremely abstract concept. We could line up hundreds of people and ask them what does it mean to love yourself and we’re probably going to get hundreds of different answers. In terms of the mindfulness, it seems like sex and anything having to do with sex, sexuality, sexual orientation, we’ve reduced it down to physicality. Yet interesting when they’ve done extensive research on sex in the human experience, they say the brain is the most erogenous organ of the body.
Well the brain’s what’s connected to the mind, so when I think of mindfulness and sex, how present are we? Whether it’s with ourselves or someone else that we’re having the experience with, what kind of an attention, awareness, sensitivity … I liked your term, Jenn, of gentle curiosity, but I would say that could go to a fierce curiosity in terms of sex, but are you still paying attention? Are you aware of what’s going on with you and the other person? I think people who have more mindful sex, it’s way more enjoyable, but I don’t know that the average person is aware of what that is.
Karli Johnson:
Well and I think, I know I’ve struggled personally engaging in sexual activity, of where I was thinking of, “Well what is my partner thinking of me? Of my body? Of what I’m doing?” That right there is not being mindful of the moment. That is being judgmental of yourself, and I think that is a problem that a lot of people deal with.
Mike Domitrz:
Well I think Karli, you bring up something really great there, which is what you just shared is what most people have at different moments. I don’t know that you weren’t mindful, it’s that you were mindful of what you were feeling at that moment. The question is, did you let it control or did you say, “I’m going to let that go”? So now my mindfulness releases that thought. Because I don’t think to have those natural thoughts is not being mindful, I think it’s how we recognize them. Are we mindful of them? Are we able to then move forward with them? Because almost anybody I’ve ever known, if you have these honest conversations, versus the façade of what the media puts out there is we are sitting there thinking, “How do I look? Does my partner think I’m sexy right now? What do they think of …” and you’ll think of specific body parts from my stomach, to my rear end, to my genitalia, to all these different areas.
The irony is very few people, very few when you talk about sex, say, “I wonder what my partner thinks of my smile?” Which is what they’re actually seeing more of. Once you start the intimacy you see more face. Now depending on the sexual act you’re in, that’s not necessarily true at all, but in the making out part, in the kissing part, that beginning, that’s what you’re seeing more of. Now as the sexual acts obviously evolve or whatever you choose to engage it, that changes. Even in a sexual act, they’re not looking at the genitalia. They’re engaged in it. You’re not studying it while you’re engaging with it, you’re engaged in an act. It’s such a weird thing that we do there.
Barry Moniack:
If we bring the mindfulness aspect into it, I don’t think there’s anything bad, wrong, or stupid, Karli, with wondering what my partner might be thinking or experiencing. Most people I found just leave it there. “I wonder …” And then I go into some kind of self analysis or self judgment. The mindfulness aspect would be to qualify those thoughts or feelings. “Hmm, I wonder why I thought that? Do I have something that needs to be addressed?” To be able to ask my partner, “Hey, I have this thought or feeling, what is that like for you?” If the partnership isn’t able to handle that level of intimacy, well that’s telling in and of itself, but if I find out what the other person really thinks, “Oh, I just used mindfulness to get to a better place.”
Dr. Jenn:
Yeah, and I want to build on this. I mean I think those type of conversations are fantastic, when you can develop relationships and intimate relationships able to have those conversations. In the moment, I think of mindfulness as where we’re choosing to put our focus. Like everybody said, the awareness that those thoughts come up like, “Oh, why do my breasts look like this? Oh, I don’t like how my thighs look. Oh, am I performing well enough? Oh, is my partner happy with what I’m doing?” Or, “I’m making the grocery list in my head because I’ve got a million other things I could be doing.” All of these other things that distract us from body image, to just other life priorities, to performance concerns, the recognition that those thoughts come up is, as everybody said, these part of mindfulness.
One thing that I like to encourage folks to do is then just recognize, okay, so where are you focusing your attention? So you noticed that thought pops up, noticed it comes up, acknowledge it, even tell people to thank that thought sometimes, “Oh thank you, I understand that you’re just trying to protect me.” Or whatever.” Then I’m going to choose to focus my attention back on this moment, and specifically on anchoring ourselves to the five senses in the moment. Like what do the sheets feel like? What does my partner feel like and smell like? What’s their skin feel like on my lips? What am I seeing otherwise? Just using our five senses, choosing consciously to bring our focus and our attention back in the moment that way.
Then our distracting thoughts pop up, we acknowledge those thoughts, you’re like, “Oh yeah. No, that’s my body image again. I acknowledge you, and I thank you, and I choose to bring myself back to this moment again.” Then I think, like Barry was saying, that afterwards having that conversation with the partner, so like, “Hey, this is what’s going on in my head. What’s going on in your head? Can we talk about this because my insecurities are totally popping up, and this is what’s going on, and I just want to be vulnerable and authentic with you and find out what’s going on from your side.”
Mike Domitrz:
Well and maybe being able to talk to your partner before sex, that can we be playful with our mindfulness?
Barry Moniack:
[crosstalk 00:11:46].
Mike Domitrz:
Yeah, right. Let’s say that in my mind I’m thinking with my partner … common one for men is their penis size, or the girth, whatever it is in their mind, that is a common one that comes up, right? If you’re being playful and you identify as a male, and you say to your partner, “If that pops into my head I might say something like, ‘Tell me what you think about my dick.’ ” That kind of thing. Would you have fun with that and be like, “I love your dick”? That kind of thing, or would that be a total turn off for you? Which would it be? If they’re like, “If that would help you, I’ll do that for you.” Now you’re making it playful and you’re making it exciting, right?
Or for somebody to say, “Well Mike, you’re a guy. What if it was a woman?” What if she’s like, “Well I wonder what my vulva’s like?” Or, “What is my genitalia like?” If you just said to me, “Hey, do you love my vulva.” And say, “Well what words do you like?” Because if I’m going to say to you, “I love how wet, I love the taste.” Some people are going to be like, “Oh god, you just made it worse.” So that’s going to be the worst thing. Some people hate the word moist, I don’t get that. I don’t, but I know some people hate the word moist. If you’re like, “Oh it’s so moist.” They’ll be like, “Oh no, you killed it.” To be able to have that playful conversation is so mindful and yet fun.
Barry Moniack:
Yes.
Dr. Jenn:
Yeah, absolutely.
Barry Moniack:
Notice how much of our dialogue is about physicality, the five senses and the communication. Mindfulness has to do with the mind, which is not associated to the body. It connects to the brain but it can connect to other aspects of us as well. So where in those interactions can we be more sensitive to, aware of, the energy, the energetic dynamics? What do I experience energetically when we kiss? When we touch? When we have sex? Now we’re getting more into what I would think is the mindful aspect of sex, is bringing back that heightened attention, awareness to the act.
Dr. Jenn:
Well actually I would counter that a little bit in that I think of mindfulness as just presence with anything that shows up in the moment.
Barry Moniack:
True.
Dr. Jenn:
Mindfulness being awareness in the moment with our thoughts, our beliefs, our interpretations, the meanings, any emotions we have, and our bodily sensations. Mindfulness is very anchored in the moment, in the physical body that we’re in and all of the manifestations of how that shows up, and not judging what shows up and accepting what shows up. I think if we’re focusing on the energy of the moment, well I think for some folks they would have to have … That may be an advanced to focus on if they haven’t sat with the mindfulness of all of the regular crap of what it is to be a human. You know, in all of our beauty and our messiness, of everything that’s showing up in every moment of every bodily sensation and thought, and things, and so much of that shows up in the sexual component.
I think of mindfulness as actually much more mundane of the acceptance of what is in the moment. When it comes to sexual topics, and body image, and cultural learnings, and gender roles, and all of these things, it’s so laden with so much that gets in the way of just being able to be present with the beautiful energy of connection in the moment. I think of, yeah, mindfulness as being present with all of that and accepting it, and then choosing to move forward.
Barry Moniack:
Well it depends an awful lot on how a person is wired. There’s this assumption that everybody is more physically oriented than energetically. I’m not wired that way, so I experience the energetic side much more profoundly than the physical side. I experience both, but the energetic one is much stronger and so I have found there’s a whole lot of people that experience that, but they either didn’t feel comfortable enough to talk to people about it, or they didn’t have a language to talk about it with, so they just thought maybe they were odd or weird. That’s where I look at it and go, okay, the mind is associated to the energetic body, the brain is associated to the physical body, there is a connection and the more those two talk, the better off we are. But again it goes back to how are you wired? If I’m going to interact with you on any level, but especially sexually, I need to know your wiring so that I know who I’m interacting with.
Mike Domitrz:
Well and a lot of-
Karli Johnson:
To go off-
Mike Domitrz:
Oh go ahead Karli, go ahead Karli.
Karli Johnson:
Well, and to go off your point, Barry, as somebody who is wired differently, someone maybe who has experienced sexual violence who has PTSD or experience triggers and flashbacks. Being mindful when you’re engaging in the sexual acts, and if your partner is aware of those things that you’re experiencing, I think that adds a whole other level to sexual activity.
Mike Domitrz:
I think that goes to the beginning of intimacy. I don’t like to say pre-intimacy because I think when people say pre, it sounds like this is a checklist, versus the beginning. Which the beginning is the mind. It absolutely is the mind. If you’re walking into the bedroom or whatever room you’re choosing to be intimate in, and you’re thinking of everything except the sex, and let’s just make this quick so we can have the sex, your mind is in a very different place. This phrase I just used, when I use it on stage, audiences that are married are laughing their heads off because they all know exactly what I’m referring to. It’s totally consensual, they’re both like, “Yes, let’s have this quick sex so we can get this done.” What they really mean is so we can have it fun really fast, right? They want to have the fun, they want it to be awesome, but they want it super fast, let’s just get this done.
Barry Moniack:
Or, “I just want my needs met.”
Mike Domitrz:
Right. What’s interesting is that.
Barry Moniack:
[crosstalk 00:17:58] can take care of it.
Mike Domitrz:
What’s interesting is age plays a big role in it. Maturity plays a big role in it. How the body changes over the years plays a role in it. Gender roles can play a big role. Sexual orientation roles can play a definite impact on all these elements and how they appear to themselves, right? You talk to a 20 year old, and going back to what you were saying, Barry, they can very much often talk, their talking is from the body. Is from the body. You talk to a 45 year old, it’s very much from the mind. It’s where their head is walking into the game.
What’s interesting though, talk to a 45 year old who’s just started a workout regimen and feels amazing about their body, they’re back to body. They’re back to talking about how their bodies and different sensation or they get there quicker. Whatever it is, it’s totally ranging in what’s going on in one’s life. What I always say is, you think of, when people think of mindfulness and sex, they think of two people naked in a cross legged position, their hands touching in front of each other, sitting there in a meditative state.
Barry Moniack:
[crosstalk 00:19:06]
Mike Domitrz:
Yes, and we’re going to go to a place of … But here’s the irony of that. I, in the past I think would have mocked it, even when I was younger and I didn’t understand this, but I would say today that a minute of that could beautifully change the sexual experience. Just a one minute of that, one minute of that that says, “We are going to let go of everything and just be nude, naked of ourselves.” The reason I bring up naked is intentional, and that is that for a lot of people in long-term relationships, taking off the clothes is just, it’s a distraction almost, like it’s just annoyance. Where when they’re first in a relationship they want to rip them off, they love the fun of it. There’s a comedian who talked about this, who can tell when you’re in a long-term and a short-term. Short-term you want to rip it off, you want to take all the time and enjoy that. Marriage is just like, “Come on, get in here, get naked. Come on.” That type of thing.
Barry Moniack:
“It is Tuesday? Okay. Here we go.”
Mike Domitrz:
Right, exactly. To be intentional and say, “We’re going to be totally naked and nude.” Because when we’re nude of clothing we’re also allowing the body to be nude, but the mind allow us to be nude also. To just take a minute with each other nude in front of each other before we start kissing, before we start, let’s just sense each other. I think it can be so beautiful and powerful. By the way, if my partner’s listening to this right now they’re going, “Yeah, where’s this coming from?” I don’t want people thinking this the way it works all the time or that this … But it’s the idea that as we talk about it, you start to think about it more.
Dr. Jenn:
There’s something I like to call … Talking about being naked, called happy naked fun time, which is specifically for couples that have been together for a long time, where you don’t just want to rip your clothes off, or where sex maybe has become the elephant in the room. What is it you got to adjust to get back to being naked with each other, without expectations and just to create this safe space without goals? Just to get your bodies connecting to each other, and enjoying each other, and bringing that playful energy to it, and just creating that space for that without any other intention or goals, but to just connect and be close to each other.
Mike Domitrz:
Let’s go there. Let’s go with the person who’s listening going, “I just couldn’t do that.” Or, “My partner won’t do it. I can’t see my partner engaging in that.” You have two aspects. You have the person who goes, “I would feel goofy.” And then you have the person who says, “I don’t think my partner will try this.” Or, “I’ve attempted it and they won’t try this.” Those are two very different discussions.
Barry Moniack:
This was something that I had thought about in knowing we were going to be having this conversation. A very elementary aspect of that is one person is aroused, they’re desirous, and the other person says, “I’m not in the mood.” Having done couple’s counseling for years, I would look at it and wonder, “Okay, you’re totally in love with this person, you’re invested, you’re willing to spend the rest of your life.” I mean on that level it couldn’t get more committed, but you can’t pay attention, or that thing that you had talked about, Jenn, that curiosity, why are you aroused? Why is this happening for you? Because we can make ourselves aroused ever so easily, so instead of causing a roadblock why can’t we be more mindful and go, “Hey, if you were sick I would take care of you or if you were hungry I would feed you. Oh, but your horny? No, I can’t go there.” Really?
Mike Domitrz:
All right, so that’s a fine line, because there’s people listening-
Female:
That is.
Mike Domitrz:
Yeah, there’s people listening right now going, “Whoa, whoa, whoa, Barry, you’re not insinuating they owe a sexual act.”
Barry Moniack:
No, it’s not that they owe the act, but what about tuning in, using the mindfulness to go, “Well talk to me. Where are you at? Tell me about your day. What’s been leading up to this? Help me get to where you are and then maybe we can do something.”
Mike Domitrz:
Yes, and that’s a very different discussion, that’s correct, which is that my partner no longer feeling good about their body, the active sex, or our sexual relationship … Instead of saying, and I’m not saying you said this, Barry, but for many people they’ll think it, “How do I get my partner to have sex with me?” Instead of that mindset, “How do I help my partner be free of the burdens and the distractions that are happening in their life that are making it difficult for them to be themselves and to be present for me?”
There are audiences that will say, “Well what? Am I supposed to do the dishes? I never do the dishes.” Yeah. Yeah, maybe doing the dishes or doing the laundry, or helping around the house in whatever capacity, maybe it’s building something else, whatever it is that could take a burden off of your partner, whatever burdens they are feeling. Could be huge. Could be huge in giving them freedom. They just may be in a place that they need to explore and you’re going to have to be able to say, “I need to be patient for their exploration process.” If you’re a survivor of sexual violence, it was Karli who brought up the sexual violence, there may be things that you are going to need to take time and explore for you to get to that place. The partner needs to also respect that, that this could take time in this exploration and I don’t know the timeline.
Barry Moniack:
For a lot of people, I found that the desire for intimacy, just to have that sense of closer connection, was often interpreted as sexual desire, because that’s where they thought they would get that connection. Once the communication, and the interaction, and all that sensitive curiosity stuff came into play, that’s what really wanted to happen, and they may or may not have ever even had sex, but they both felt very fulfilled.
Mike Domitrz:
Well I’ll give you an example, I know of situations and individuals who will share that’s let say they chose to abstain. Abstain from traditional, what you call sexual intercourse. They chose to abstain and instead they did things like they grinded. They grinded instead. They will share that that grinding experience with that partner — and they grinded to the point of literally people having sexual satisfaction, the partners — was more intense than many sexual experiences they’ve had, because of how in tune they were with that, versus just going through an act. Allowing yourself to be in tune and fully present there.
It does go back to how do you help a partner have that exploration? I think sometimes the mistake is thinking, “How do I help my partner become more horny? Or more in the mood?” Versus, “How do I help my partner in life?” That will show itself everywhere in a supportive role, not in a fix you role, because you get into that role … and I’ve done that in my past where I want to help you, and what I’m really doing is maybe trying to fix you and if most of us are honest we’ve done that in some capacity. That’s not healthy. That’s not positive. That’s not supportive. That’s fixing you helps me. I mean that’s usually what fixing ends up being in some form or capacity.
Barry Moniack:
Isn’t it interesting, “We’re a couple and we know that in a few hours we’re going to have dinner, so hey, what do you want to have for dinner? Are you thinking this or this?” We’re able to have that conversation. To have that same kind of conversation, “Hey, what are you feeling in terms of our intimacy? What are you up for? What are you interested in? Where are we at? What would create that meal that we would both enjoy?”
Mike Domitrz:
Oh and by the way, what I’m about to eat might impact that, so … That’s a difference in age, right? At 18 you don’t care what you’re eating. I mean honestly you are not thinking about what you’re eating. Literally you hit 30s, 40s, you start to go, “Oh man, I eat that steak and things might not [inaudible 00:26:54] well a little bit later.” Having that kind of honesty. Karli, Jenn, what do you think are keys to being a supporter of your partner if your partner’s struggling with this while you’re thriving and wanting to explore the mindfulness of sex?
Dr. Jenn:
I mean sex has so many components. The experience of sexuality, like again the learnings around it, the mental aspects, the physical aspects, the energetic aspects, spiritual aspects. It’s very holistic. To realize so often we think that our experience is how everyone else experiences it, or we think our experience is how our partner should experience it. I mean coming in with compassion, an open mind, I think an awareness that we don’t know what we don’t know about our partner’s sexual experiences and what it is to be present in their body as a sexual being, and their history behind that and how that’s wired them, and all of that.
So to come in, again I mean I’ll say that gentle curiosity, that terminology I used in the beginning, gentle curiosity about what is it like for our partner and how is that different for us? That’s so different than what you said, Mike, like we’re coming with the agenda of trying to fix them, we’re coming in with the intention of genuinely trying to stand in their shoes as much as we can with compassion, and understanding, and being present. I mean all of that is the epitome of mindfulness. Genuinely honoring the person that’s in front of them and all of the beautiful complexity that their sexual experience it is, and how it’s the same and different from our own. I’d say coming in with that open-mindedness.
Mike Domitrz:
For every sexual experience. I mean that’s the mistake we make, right? Because we go in and we do have that exploration with them, and we learn all that, and we think, “Oh, got it now.” What happens is 10 years in, five years in, 20 years in, you get into routine and you stop the exploration. You forget that tonight is not the same as Tuesday. If tonight’s Thursday, your partner might be in a different completely mindset, physicality, everything different than Tuesday. So if Tuesday is what you would call off the wall amazing sex, doesn’t mean Thursday’s going to be and that’s okay, but they might still want to have sex. It might not be off the wall amazing, incredible, but they still want to have it with you and have something fun, and exciting, and that’s okay.
I think a big part of this is once you’ve had amazing, it has to always be amazing, and I always tell people the goal is to pursue mutually amazing and sensual intimacy. It doesn’t mean it’s going to be the result, and that’s okay. It’s okay. Now consent always needs to be the result, mutual always needs to be the result, but amazing might not always be, but it’s a great goal.
Karli, you brought up earlier about everybody’s coming from a different place with sexual violence, how do you think it is important for those people to understand that if … Let’s say you have not experienced sexual violence but your partner has, how do you be present for them, because the last thing you want to do is do any language or conversation that in any way tries to guilt or make them feel coerced. I mean that’s so dangerous, it can be triggering, so how do you suggest that somebody had this conversation in a way that’s open, loving, and supportive?
Karli Johnson:
Exactly what you said. Instead of saying, example of maybe, “Well why don’t you do this for me?” Instead of making it about myself … so if I’m the partner and my partner has experienced sexual violence, and I’m encouraging them, instead of encouraging like we’ve talked about for the past 30 minutes, is that it’s such a wonderful conversation to have when you allow your partner to be open and free about their experiences, if that makes sense?
Mike Domitrz:
Yeah. Well a sentence that I teach audiences is the following, to look your partner in the eye and do not say, “Do you want to do this?” And name an act. Or, “Will you do this?” And name an act, because that puts pressure on an expectation that you want that now. Instead look them in the eye and ask, “What would you love for us to do in bed tonight? What would you love for me to do for you tonight.” It allows them to lead the whole conversation, instead of you leading them. Now you need this back and forth. If it’s only one sided that’s not healthy either. That’s why, “What would you love for us?” Can be fun, because that’s the two of you [inaudible 00:31:26].
This show just flew by, which is awesome, right? That is fantastic. That’s the way it should be when we’re having great conversation and great intimacies that way, right? Time, you don’t even feel time, you’re just in there, you’re in the present, which is so awesome. I want to thank all three of you for joining me today, for everyone listening, you know you’ve been listening to Barry Moniack, Karli Johnson, and Dr. Jenn. You can learn all about our brilliant cast at everydaymindfulnessshow.com. Until next time, may you enjoy everyday mindfulness in your life.
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We appreciate you being a part of our vibrant, oftentimes silly, and always vulnerable community. If you have an idea, a thought, want to sponsor the show, or just want to say hi, send us an email at listen@everydaymindfulnessshow.com and check us out at everydaymindfulnessshow.com. Have a joyful, mindful week.
Key Takeaways:
[1:24] Sex and mindfulness, is the concept provocative?
[6:31] In the moment, where do we focus our attention and is it on our partner or on ourselves?
[18:52] Happy naked fun time.
[21:30] In a relationship, what if one partner doesn’t have the same interest in exploring the mindfulness of sex?
[29:47] How to have an open, loving and supportive conversation with your sexual partner.
As a nationwide speaker, educator and storyteller on Power-Based Violence, Karli Johnson not only “knows her stuff,” she’s lived it. As a survivor of domestic violence,
sexual violence, bullying, and trauma, Karli’s lived experiences resonate with children, teens, and adults about the country. Based out of Chicago, with a focus on children and young adults, Karli uses humor and audience participation to engage crowds with these challenging topics.
Barry Moniak brings insightful experience and profound discovery to his entertaining, interactive presentations. He inspires audiences to embrace a “befriend fear” mindset to build focused, energized, synergistic winning teams. Known affectionately as the “CEO Whisperer,” Barry gets leaders to not see people as they think they are, but rather as they truly are. He identifies operational strengths and weaknesses and creates a “befriend fear” modus operandi. This is the foundation for an extraordinary, winning, synergistic culture.
Dr. Jenn, sociologist, and sexologist, is a frequent speaker about sexual empowerment, healthy relationships, erotic play, and mindful sex. She has presented two TEDx Talks, is a writer on sex and relationships, and a recurring intimacy expert on the morning news. Dr. Jenn has over 1.3 million hits on her In the Den with Dr. Jenn YouTube video series and is an expert in the new documentary on masturbation, called Sticky: A (Self) Love Story.
The Sponsor of This Week’s Episode:
The ‘Can I Kiss You’ live training program from DateSafeProject.org.
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