Loving our bodies without shame can be an empowering experience. But, how do people become comfortable with being nude or simply exposing more of their skin? Are we responsible for what other people think about how we show up in the world? How can fears about being naked in certain environments be overcome? Host Mike Domitrz welcomes CAST members Rick Clemons, Sean Douglas, Lisa Baker-King and Barry Moniak to enlighten us with their personal perspectives about what showing some skin means to them.
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Key Takeaways:
[2:01] Mike asks Lisa what she thinks about a recent Britain’s Got Talent headline.
[5:57] Are we responsible for the judgments others make about our choices?
[19:33] How do we help people get more comfortable with nudity?
[27:20] What are the CAST’s biggest fears in a completely nude environment?
Welcome:
Welcome to the Everyday Mindfulness Show. The off-the-cuff exploration of every day “aha” moments and life experiences. Join a cast of over 70 uniquely brilliant individuals. Each week, Mike Domitrz, and an eclectic mix of cast members, and special guests will engage in mindful and lively conversations about everything from meditation, to spirituality, to personal passions, to successes and failures, to relationships, to the stuff that makes up the moments of our daily lives. Let’s get started with your host, author, speaker, provocateur, and a bit of a goof ball, Mike Domitrz.
Mike Domitrz:
One of our sponsors this week is the, “Help! My Teen Is Dating” DVD, and you can watch it on streaming online video. This is for parents, for educators who work with children, teenagers, pre-teens, really giving you the skill set to have those conversations that can be so awkward and so uncomfortable. Find it at datesafeproject.org.
Hello, I’m your host Mike Domitrz. I’m thrilled to be here with our cast from the Everyday Mindfulness Show. This week’s cast includes Sean Douglas, Lisa Baker-King, Rick Clemons, and Barry Moniak. This is a unique one because this is a return episode. We had this conversation with the same group a little while back, and we just felt like we got to keep going. We just getting into it. This is a continuation one.
Now, if you’re wondering about that brilliant cast that I just talked about, you can go to everydaymindfulnessshow.com to find out all about each one of those. Let’s get into it because today’s show’s about nudity. That’s right. Yes. Getting nude. Being nude. How society treats nude, all those kind of fun things. It’s just fun to say, “Nude.”
All right, so we’re going to get into this, dive into this, how society treats it. Are there biases? Are genders treated differently? Could even between sexual orientation, can there be different treatments or identities? We’re going to dive in all the way here. There’s actually a timely situation occurring in the news, so, if you’re listening to this, it might have happened six months ago, so I’ll reference it so you can look back and Google. That is that, “Britain’s Got Talent” had an episode with one of their judges, Amanda Holden, wearing an outfit that people just flipped out, that was showing too much skin, pretty much saying it was sexualizing a family show by showing the skin that it was showing.
That gets us right off into the concept of, should you be able to show skin and have your body exposed having, by t.v. standards, what’s covered? For instance, nipples need to be covered by t.v. standards for public t.v. Though all those areas were covered, is that sexualizing because you wear an outfit like that, or is that somebody being fully expressive of their body and being comfortable with their body? Lisa, what do you think?
Lisa Baker-King:
I looked at those pictures and, first of all, she looked amazing. I thought she looked absolutely beautiful. It just continues to amaze me that we put these labels on the body. Saying she looked like a stripper, and I’m doing air quotes, just blows my mind because what does that even mean? She looked amazing. Her back was showing, the top of her buttocks, some cleavage, but she looked absolutely fantastic. Nothing was inappropriate in my view. It just made me think about … I’m a fan of “America’s Got Talent” and “Britain’s Got Talent.” I love those kind of shows. I love seeing what people can do.
Last year on “America’s Got Talent” Nick Cannon … I don’t know if you guys are familiar with Nick Cannon, but he wears some wild outfits. I mean, they’re pretty cool, sparkly shoes and these suits that are somewhat tight. They look good on him. He wears high-water pants to show off his funky socks, but nobody puts a label on that. Nobody says, “Hey, he looks like …” I don’t know, “A pimp.” You never hear that, so it’s amazing to me that we put these labels on women.
At the same time, as a society, for example, if we’re going out as adults to some dress event, as a lady when you go look for a dress, less is more. They’re showing skin, so when you do wear that, it’s kind of one of those, “You’re darned if you do, and you’re darned if you don’t.”
Mike Domitrz:
Let’s say, the counter argument to this is the parents … And this is what we’re seeing happen, is a parent saying, “Okay. This is a family show,” which “America’s Got Talent”, “Britain’s Got Talent,” would actually agree with. They agree with that part that our demographic is the family audience, and, so, my child watching that. They’re seeing this sexualized outfit. Now, I know my own personal reaction to that is to say, “Well, then, you explain to your child that the only thing that makes that sexual is the person who chooses to interpret that and treat that in a sexual way. That’s the human body.” What if the child says, “Mom or dad, I’d like to dress like that to school tomorrow?”
Sean Douglas:
I’ve got a ten-year old daughter and a three-year old daughter. If they’re going to dress like that to school, I would be against that only because of the setting that … The school’s supposed to be a “professional.” I know there’s bullying and whatever, but in that setting … I don’t know. You’re there to learn. You’re not there to judge outfits. Any time that somebody judges anything, I believe it’s just absolutely wrong. If somebody wants to wear something, wear something, but it’s when people take it to another level and interpret it, like you said, interpret it a different way that it become problems. That’s why we have school uniforms and everything. I wouldn’t let my daughter wear it only because my belief is that school is not a setting for that. It’s a professional environment. You wear things that show good taste and save it for, I don’t know, a party somewhere. I don’t know. That’s just my opinion.
Barry Moniak:
My daughters ... This is Barry. My daughters are a bit older than yours, Sean. I would never tell them what they can or can’t do, but I would have extensive conversation with them about possible ramifications of what they do. We may think as adults that school is a professional setting for education. The kids in school, and even if we remember back, it’s a fashion palooza. Everybody’s trying to be cool, and in, and make their statements. Those would be the kinds of questions I would want to be asking is, “If people respond or react favorably, how is that going to make you feel?” “If people respond unfavorably, how’s that going to make you feel, and are you ready for that because I can’t help you with that once it happens, so let’s just think this through.”
Mike Domitrz:
Well, Barry, I like the clarification you gave there because the first language you used was, “You need to be aware of the ramifications.” I’m sure you didn’t mean it that way, but I could hear a lot of people listening going, “Whoa, whoa, whoa. Is he blaming them for how people are going to treat them?” Then, you came back around nicely and said, “Hey, if you get this reaction, how will you feel about that? How will you feel about this reaction?””
I think versus ramifications more than … It’s more reactions. Are you ready for the reactions? Are you comfortable with the reactions because they’re not your fault, but you’ll live with that in society.
Barry Moniak:
Well, if some of those people judge you to the point where they unfriend you, that’s a ramification. That’s something that you need to be ready for. You could alienate people that you thought were in your camp.
Mike Domitrz:
Yes, but I don’t think the outfit or you didn’t cause it. The person made that choice. That’s, I think, a difference in, that person had a reaction versus … A ramification means, “I made this choice” … I mean, for me. Maybe I’m misinterpreting, but, for me, when you think of “ramification,” “I made this choice, and this occurred because of my choice.” In other words, my choice was the fault of it. In this case, I think it’s the reaction of the person that’s judging you that’s the fault of that, not the person wearing the outfit.
Barry Moniak:
I would agree with you if we were in an altruistic society, but we’re not, so every time you walk out the door, people are judging you even if you’re smack-dab normal, they’re still judging you. You do anything abnormal, and now you’re just upping the ante of what that reaction could be. Yeah. I still stick by “ramification” that people … And that’s the whole thing about everyday mindfulness. Are we aware of how we’re showing up and what that is setting into motion that people could respond or react to? That’s my choice. That’s what I’m setting into motion, so that’s where my accountability and responsibility lies. Now, I have to deal with, “Okay, what’s everybody else’s two cents about me?”
Mike Domitrz:
Under that, for your interpretation of “mindfulness” is that when you put an outfit on, you’re responsible for the … How other people react to that because you chose to put it on?
Barry Moniak:
Yeah. If I’m dressing for a client meeting, a job meeting, something, and I underdress, overdress, I’m the one who made those choices and decisions, so it’s up to me to be mindful, “What is it exactly that I’m trying to accomplish?” If I go to a friend’s party where everybody’s hanging around having fun, drinking, and I’m in a three-piece suit, I did not hit the target. I’m going to be out of place, and I could make other people feel uncomfortable, like “What’s this guy’s deal?”
Mike Domitrz:
Here’s the danger I hear in this moment, and that is this. I could be mindful that if I wear this, it could draw this kind of attention. I could be mindful of that when I put that on. What I don’t want that to become is for me to be mindful of it, and then say that it’s my fault if things happen based on that because, for example, we live in a very sexually violent world, so a lot of people listening to this have experienced that where they chose to wear something knowing that that outfit might get attention, but that they knew that, “I have the right to wear that.” Then, somebody did some horrific harm on them and acted sexual violence on them, and people go, “Well, you should have bene mindful that when you put that on that that’s what you set in motion.” It becomes very quickly a victim-blaming situation instead of saying, “Look, you have the right to wear that.”
You could be mindful that people might not react the way you would hope. Like you said with your daughter, “What would be your reaction if somebody treats you this way or that way?” In no way does that mean you set into motion because you wore that outfit, somebody else’s actions, in no way. At that point, they made a choice. You didn’t set it action.
Barry Moniak:
You’re absolutely right, Mike. There’s courts that have ruled other than that where a woman was violently raped and, yet, they said it had to do with the way she was dressed, or the way she walked, or acted, or behaved, or things she said. That’s the societal structure that we live in. I think it’s messed up, but that’s kind of where things are at. It’s like a black person walking out the door in the morning. They’ve got to be aware that they’re black. If they’re walking into an all-white community, there could be ramifications because the people in that community may or may not understand who they are or what’s going on.
Mike Domitrz:
But, we would never say … I don’t want to speak for you, but I don’t think anybody on here would ever say, “It was the black person’s choice to walk into the neighborhood that set forth the violence against the black person.”
Barry Moniak:
Exactly. No, I’m not suggesting that at all. I’m just saying, “What are those repercussions or ramifications that could happen, and are we aware of that, and are we taking any kind of precautionary, preventative measures-“
Mike Domitrz:
All right. There’s where I’m going to be the rebel. I’m going to be the rebel right there because the idea of mindfulness is to not let the world control our decision making. I don’t mean “rebel” as in “rebel against everyone,” the counter-voice here, I guess, on this one. I think a lot of people hear that and think, “Well, I should really pause before I wear that,” and they stop being themselves because they trap themselves in the ramification of the world that’s around them based on, “Hey, there’s cases where they blame the victim, so I’m not going to wear that one anymore.”
That’s the opposite of what we want to do to shift culture. What about the person who says, “I’m going to have the courage to walk out there. Where it’s legal, I’m going to walk out there naked,” or, “I’m going to walk out there topless.” I’m going to go against culture because I want to set forth that this should start to be the norm, and I know people will look at me, but I’m not going to let those ramifications stop me from being me.” What about that who’s trying to shift our world into a place of healthier understanding of the body and nudity?
Barry Moniak:
I agree with all of that whole-heartedly. We were talking about girls going to school, no, I’m not going to say, “Hey, let’s support your rebel flag.” I’m going to talk to them about what’s going to happen next, and what’s it going to be like tomorrow and next week because you’re going to have to exist in that environment for an extended period of time. I think we’re going down this rabbit hole, which we tend to go of social condemnation, and judgment, and confirmation bias, and all this.
My question is, we’re talking about nudity, and we’ve gotten into all this bias, who has experience with nudity itself, and what was that experience like because people who have never been nude around other people, I really don’t care what they have to say about it. It means nothing to me.
Mike Domitrz:
Okay, so here’s why I would say, “I think it does matter.” If all these bias impact whether somebody’s willing to be nude, it has huge impact on nudity. It has a massive impact. As I travel the world, and I meet with people who have been in dangerous and/or judgmental situations based on clothing, and nudity, or skin exposure, and the impact it’s had on them to not be naked because of all these biases, whether it be gender bias, sexual orientation bias. I don’t want it to be a debate here between Barry and I. I want to hear the others jump in.
I think all of that leads to people not being willing to be nude, so I don’t want them to be listening thinking, “Well, if you haven’t been nude, your voice doesn’t really count on here.” If you haven’t been around people that have gone into a nudist environment, it doesn’t really count because their fears are what we need to discuss, so that those biases have an impact.
Barry Moniak:
Are we discussing their fears, or are we discussing the experience of nudity?
Mike Domitrz:
Both.
Barry Moniak:
Because those who have fears have no other information other than their bias, we’re beating our heads against the wall. We’re not going to change their mind.
Lisa Baker-King:
I think we’re talking about both.
Sean Douglas:
You were talking about the t-shirts and about the clothes, and I just kept thinking … I’m like, “Man, if we start doing everything that you guys are talking about … If we start doing that, we start living in somebody else’s own thinking of …” For example, if the clothes and the dress … If you have to … I do the same thing. I’m like, “Hey, do you realize what may happen? There’s a possibility of … I’m not saying that it will, but there‘s a possibility, and all this stuff.” If we always put on a certain set of clothes, or we always think about when we go to the beach, we’re putting swim suits, and whatever, and what we’re going to do. If we start questioning, “Well, what’s somebody going to think about us,” we start living in somebody else’s reality of what they think about us rather than our own reality. That’s a horrible way to live.
A lot of people live their life that way. They live their life according to somebody else’s think of us, and it becomes our reality. I want people to not do that. Don’t live in somebody else’s reality. Don’t live in somebody else’s thinking of us, and how we should think, or what we should feel about us.
I went through an experience just this past month. I don’t know how I’ve changed from it. Maybe I’m a little more confident. I don’t know. I was in a play, and I’ve never been in a play before. I was cast as the lead male character, Brick, in “Cat On A Hot Tin Roof.” The director really made everyone get out of their comfort zones or whatever for the role. For the first like 20 minutes of the play, I’m chest naked in a towel on stage in front of like 100 people. I’ve gone to the beach, and I’ve gone swimming, and you don’t think about it because it’s an activity that you do, but I’m on stage. I’ve never been in a play, and I’m chest naked in a towel.
I’m like freaking out the first time I walked on stage and saw the lights. I’m like, “Oh, my God!” I heard people laughing. Instantly … I’m a resilience trainer. I teach mindfulness. I instantly went, “Oh, my God. Are they laughing at me?” I wanted to verbally slap myself. I’m like, “Shut up. They’re not laughing. Just do your thing.” I had that moment of, “Oh, my God. They’re judging me, and they’re laughing at me. Am I underweight or overweight? What are they thinking?” I had this momentary lapse of judgment where I’m like, “What the hell are you doing?” I know better than to listen to other people, and I went about my business.
I wonder how many other people do that when they walk into a room, and they just stand there, you know what I mean? The record stops-
Lisa Baker-King:
And they don’t do that mental slap to themselves.
Sean Douglas:
Right? I wonder where their thoughts take them? I’m I wearing … Does this dress make me look … I bet that girl, whoever that was on that show, walked out and said, “I look fabulous and screw everybody else.” She did her thing. I wonder how many people … Because I know certain people, they shut the light off when they want to make love. They, “Oh, don’t look at me. Get under the covers first.” They’re … I don’t know if it’s shameful of their body, or what, but I wonder what people’s mindset are in that situation.
I know, for me, it was uncomfortable as hell at first. Every play got … We did five shows. Every show got better. I got more comfortable. Eventually, 20 minutes later, I put on a pair of pajamas, but I’m wondering if other people are living in somebody else’s reality of what they think about them when they put on swim suits, or they’re naked, or they’re wearing a certain outfit.
Lisa Baker-King:
All the time. Gosh, years ago, and this was years ago. I’d do it again if there was one around me, but my husband and I would go to a nudist beach. We’re newly married. We go to this nudist beach. He’s got certain fears. I’ve got certain fears, but it was the best experience. The community was absolutely amazing. I never felt more free, more confident in myself. Then, the other day … In fact, it was two days ago, I had bought a shirt, a summer shirt, that is low-cut in the back. I was excited about this. I’m going to rock this shirt. I put it on. I’m going to go to a baseball game. I pull my hair back from hanging in the back of my … On my back, and I notice that it’s so low-but that my bra is showing. I immediately felt uncomfortable clothed. Totally comfortable unclothed, put the clothes on, and, now … Like what Sean was saying, I’m starting to wonder if this is what I was doing, I’m living in somebody else’s world that says, “Ooh, don’t let that bra strap show.” I mean, how crazy is this?
You know what I did? I did not … I’ll own it. I didn’t wear that shirt because I was uncomfortable what somebody might think about my bra strap showing, yet, I’m completely comfortable going to a nudist beach where it’s the norm, where you are not … Honestly, you’re not judged because that was just a natural reaction, but “accepted” might be a better word.
Barry Moniak:
That’s where I think some of what we’re saying could be interpreted as, “Oh, it’s absolutely supposed to be this or that.” I think it’s very situational. If you’re going to a business meeting, and you’re showing up naked wrapped in a towel, you probably deserve whatever is going to happen next, but you go to a Burning Man or different kinds of things, they’re not even going to blink an eye because it’s totally acceptable. It’s what they expect.
Mike Domitrz:
Okay, so that’s part of the problem. What you just proved there, one, I got to back up because I don’t think you meant the extreme you said, but I want to make sure I give you the coverage if you didn’t. You said, “They probably deserve whatever they get.” Now, keep in mind, we live in a world where people get raped in those situations, so I don’t think … Or, sexually harassed. I don’t think you mean that type of an extreme. I think you’re talking about judgment on their decision making on a business level, correct?
Barry Moniak:
Yes. Yes.
Mike Domitrz:
Right. Okay, because … Sort of make sure. On the flip side of that is, that’s why I brought up whether somebody’s only been in a setting of naked or not, is not the only reason to have this conversation because, so far, three of us have been in that environment. It didn’t necessarily convert to being back in their daily life. If you go to an environment that has been where nude is acceptable and comfortable, and, yes, there’s early judgment, then you move past that. It doesn’t mean that two hours later, where you felt great there, you feel good in a setting of nudity.
That’s, I think, the misnomer to think that, “Well, if I go to a nudist colony, or I go to a bathhouse in Europe or Japan where everybody’s naked, it’s going to help me with my nudity outside of that environment.” Not at all because that’s situational acceptable. How do we get to society to understanding that skin is not sexual, what that person that we started the show talking about, that does relate to nudity because the concept there was her skin, right? Her skin was the issue. If the skin had been covered up, there’d be nobody talking.
Now, she wasn’t nude, but it was that idea of exposed, of exposed, which is that concept that people are afraid of when they’re naked. They’re exposed. Everything’s available for judgment there. All guesses are gone, right? How do we help people get more comfortable with nudity in their own lives privately, and where they want to experience it publicly and appropriately? Obviously, we’re talking legally. We’re not trying to be inappropriate that way.
Sean Douglas:
It’s self-love. 100%, in my opinion, it is self-love. How you feel about yourself will dictate how comfortable you are in those settings. If Lisa says she went to the … Her and her husband went to the beach, right? She says, “I was completely comfortable. I loved it. It was great,” she’s probably comfortable in her own skin, but she’s not comfortable in Calvin Klein or whatever’s skin, if you get what I’m saying.
Mike Domitrz:
Hold on, I want to pause there, Sean. Lisa, had you walked onto a beach that was not only nude … In other words, part of it was, but the rest was everybody’s in suits, would you have felt the same way?
Lisa Baker-King:
Actually, I did because it was.
Mike Domitrz:
Okay, so you were … Let’s change it. You were in your neighborhood where your friends could have walked in.
Lisa Baker-King:
You know, if I was in my neighborhood where the friends could have walked in, I would be okay because I chose it. That’s environment. They’re choosing to walk in to my environment.
Mike Domitrz:
Okay. Cool because you see what I’m saying? A lot of people do this in Europe when they go on vacation, like “Let’s be wild,” but they would never do it down the street if their neighbor could walk in.
Lisa Baker-King:
Yeah. If they chose to walk into my environment, that’s like coming into my house. I mean, you get what you get.
Barry Moniak:
They would even freak out if they were in Europe, and somebody that they knew from here happened to be where they were.
Mike Domitrz:
Absolutely.
Barry Moniak:
That would still bother them.
Mike Domitrz:
I agree 100%. The reason they do it over there is they think they’re safe, and that’s our point, right? That’s our point. Why are you safe? Why aren’t you safe here? How is your life … In my line of work, Karen and I, my partner, my wife have had this discussion. In my line of work, would it harm me if I ever went to a nudist colony and pictures got out? I think it does … I think some people do think, “Oh, my job could be on the line. This could be …”
Now, for some people that’s just purely ridiculous. It would not impact their job. They’re just coming up with an excuse. There are some places where it does, where it has. It has a history of it. I think that makes things messy too.
Barry Moniak:
Yeah, and more and more employers are scouring the internet and social media to see, “Is there anything about you that we should know sooner rather than later?” Things like that could influence their decision.
Mike Domitrz:
Yeah.
Sean Douglas:
When I was a basic training drill instructor, there was woman that was court-martialed and removed from the military because she posed for Playboy. She was a huge athlete, rock-solid body. She was toned.
Lisa Baker-King:
She worked hard.
Sean Douglas:
Yeah. Absolutely. She was doing these pole-hangers, and all the guys are like, “What in the hell?” She was just a fit athlete for a woman. She posed for Playboy. She had an American flag draped around her. It was great, but they saw the drill instructor hat in one of the photos, and they flipped out. They were like, “Oh, you’re endorsing the [inaudible 00:23:57], whatever. Get out,” and they kicked her out of the military for it. Not only was she in Playboy, but she had, sitting next to her, her drill instructor hat because she was a drill instructor. She was amazing at it, but they-
Mike Domitrz:
Now, to be fair, since that time, men and women have been punished for anything really … Because they policy’s you can’t have that uniform on. If that hat wasn’t on, we’re in a different discussion completely there, but-
Sean Douglas:
I think they still would have kicked her out.
Mike Domitrz:
Well, that’s what they get them for, though. They get them for wearing the uniform. What’s interesting there is what we just did. We just participated in, and we qualified her. We went through … Lisa said she worked hard. You described her body. What if she didn’t meet any of that? Should it have mattered, right? What if she was considered overweight by societal standards or didn’t have that look. It should be no different, but we naturally do what we all just did. By looks, she should be proud, but why shouldn’t she be proud whether she could do that workout or not? That’s the heart of this discussion is whether you’re at the gym three days a week or never, your body is something you should love, and we shouldn’t be ashamed of it.
Lisa Baker-King:
To go back to what you said earlier, Mike, you started this with, what can we do about it? Then, Sean mentioned, you believe it’s all about self-love.
Sean Douglas:
Self-love.
Lisa Baker-King:
Self-love. I agree with you. I think it is about self-love because you guys know my journey. I’ve been extremely overweight, gone through my journey. I love myself regardless of where I was at. I believe, yes, Sean, you’re correct, self-love has a lot to do with it. What do we do about it? I think we have to take the little victories and stand up for them and get out of our comfort zone. For example, yesterday when I chose not to wear that shirt, I’m going to a baseball game again tonight. I’m going to wear it and push myself out of that comfort zone. There’s nothing wrong with it. It’s not inappropriate, but I was allowing somebody else, that other whatever it is, fashion society, to determine me not to wear it. I think that’s part of what we do. I think we have to speak out, and we have to not necessarily go naked into a baseball game, but we have to push the envelope.
Mike Domitrz:
All right. I want to have a little fun here as we wrap up this episode. I want everyone listening to answer the question. I’d like everybody to go around on the round table, if you’re comfortable, and answer this question. Completely nude, public environment, your greatest fear?
Barry Moniak:
Having an erection.
Mike Domitrz:
Anyone else?
Rick Clemons:
This is Rick, and I know I haven’t said a whole lot. I’ve been taking this all in here, but I don’t have a fear about it. It’s because everything everybody said about being comfortable in your body, being comfortable in yourself, loving yourself, I guess I’ve been through the ringer as a gay man. That’s all I know I have to do. Sure, I still get self-doubts, but the thing that I think that has happened is I‘ve broken the blueprint. The blueprints that have come forward through my family and my generation was not sex positive. Then, it showed up in a very extreme sex way. I got to witness all of that. I got to witness the peculiarities of not being sex positive in all this stuff.
I think when you think about being naked … In fact, I was laughing as you guys were talking, actually I was coughing most of the time, that’s why I’ve been very quiet, was right before we got on this, I was throwing laundry in the laundry, and I was trying to get trash out because it’s trash day, and I wasn’t really thinking about what I was doing. I threw my shirt off. All I had on was a pair of shorts, and I walked out to go throw trash out, and I remembered as soon as the garage door opened I got passed that, I’m like, “Wait. All I have on is shorts,” and I’m like, “So, what?” If my neighbors haven’t seen me with my shirt off, I really don’t give a damn.
I think it’s about breaking the blueprints that we have and making it A-okay. I just find it so interesting that people threw this huge fit. I’ve been reading some of this stuff online while I was coughing behind the scenes about this gal on “Britain’s Got Talent.” I’m like, “These same people would probably look at the Kardashians and rave over everything they’re wearing.” I’m sorry. There’s the double standard.
Mike Domitrz:
Right. Absolutely. I love what you shared there because I’m not there. It’s a journey for me still. Barry, you gave an example. Mine would be judgment of the body, the look of the body, as a whole. I know that I still have some fears there, so I love that you said, “Hey, once you get through the journey, you break it … Once you get through there, you’re good. You’re good to go.” It’s that breaking through that fear. They always say that, “What’s on the other side of fear? Nothing.” It’s breaking through it. Rick, you’ve broke through it, it sounds like, which is awesome.
Rick Clemons:
Well, it’s always a journey. My husband and I go to a couple of resorts in Palm Springs that are clothing optional resorts, and every once in a while, I’ll get a little weirded out, but mostly if I’m around a whole bunch of guys that are really fit, and I’m like, “You know what, I don’t really care. I’m doing the best I can with what I’ve got right now. That’s all I can do.” Can I push myself? Of course, but if I let myself get up in my head about this, I’m not doing myself any good.
Barry Moniak:
Rick, I agree with you whole-heartedly. This is what I meant before that nudity is a state of physicality, and, yet, we spend so much time on the mentality of what that means. My suggestion was, until people have experienced nudity, whether it’s by themselves, with their significant other, in a group setting, then they don’t know what the physicality is, so they’re just doing this mental masturbation about the mentality of it. There’s something about nudity that allows us to get comfortable in our own skin. I think that’s the self-love that we’re aiming at, so to just charge out into the world naked, no, but to pick times.
How many people won’t walk around their own home with the windows closed, or the blinds closed, naked because they feel uncomfortable? Well, that might be a good place for them to start. How many people, like it was mentioned before, don’t want to be with their significant other naked because it feels uncomfortable. Well, that’s a great place to start. If you haven’t done those things, jumping out into a public setting might be a bit much.
Rick Clemons:
One of my favorite exercises that I have my clients do, even if they’re clients that are not coming out of the closet. I’m talking even my clients who are trying to break through, “Okay, I’m going to leave this job because it sucks,” or whatever. It all comes down to a lot of self-worth. One of the exercises I have every one of them do is, stand in front of a three-way mirror or a full-length mirror completely naked and look at every part of your body that you despise and tell it you love it. Do that for a week and see what happens to have you feel and your confidence changes in a week’s time.
Lisa Baker-King:
I’m going to try that.
Mike Domitrz:
That is an awesome place for us to end this show. I want to thank all four of you. We lost Sean at the very last second there, so we want to thank everybody. That’s Sean, that’s Lisa, that’s Rick, that’s Barry. You can find all four of these brilliant individuals at everydaymindfulnessshow.com. Until next time, may you enjoy everyday mindfulness in your life.
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Thank you:
We appreciate you being a part of our vibrant, often times, silly, and always vulnerable community. If you have an idea, a thought, want to sponsor the show, or just want to say, “Hi,” send us an email at listen@everydaymindfulnessshow.com. Check us out at everydaymindfulnessshow.com. Have a joyful, mindful week.
Rick Clemons is the Author of Frankly My Dear I’m Gay, Host of The Coming Out Lounge podcast, certified life coach, TEDx Speaker, world record holder, and a guy who’s helped 1000’s of people in over 50 countries across the globe come out of the closets of their lives to escape their bullshit, explore their fears, and elevate their f*cking self-expression.
Facebook.com/RickClemonsOfficial
Sean Douglas is a U.S. Air Force Veteran, a Certified Master Resilience Trainer, professional inspirational speaker, and author, with over 10,000 hours of speaking and training time. He inspires the uninspired and motivates you to “Live Your Brand” so that you can grow personally and professionally. He teaches Mental, Physical, Social, and Spiritual Resilience Skills that empower you to withstand, recover, and grow through the adversity, stress, and life’s changing demands. Sean equips people with the tools necessary to live EPIC lives.
Facebook.com/SeanDouglasSpeaks
Lisa Baker-King is on a mission to connect families, celebrate children and change companies. As the owner of L B K Kreatives and a celebrated author, Lisa is joined by a team of ghost marketers whose primary aim is to help small businesses fantastically flourish. As ghost marketers, they are guided by the fundamental belief that business should serve our lives and our lives should not serve our businesses. Lisa celebrates mindfulness by honoring her health and fitness and operating by standards set by her faith which says to love above all else.
Facebook.com/YourGhostMarketer
Barry Moniak brings insightful experience and profound discovery to his entertaining, interactive presentations. He inspires audiences to embrace a “befriend fear” mindset to build focused, energized, synergistic winning teams. Known affectionately as the “CEO Whisperer,” Barry gets leaders to not see people as they think they are, but rather as they truly are. He identifies operational strengths and weaknesses and creates a “befriend fear” modus operandi. This is the foundation for an extraordinary, winning, synergistic culture.
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The “Help My Teen is Dating DVD or streaming media from DateSafeProject.org.
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